I've been on some long walks recently deep in my darkness digesting the wounds of a life of self inflicted stupidity. And then a remarkable realization dawned on me today. It's all a question of faith. Faith in myself. I look around and I see many, many people who I was very angry at. Something about them just disagreed with me. And finally I realized that I wasn't angry at them but at faith they were apparently displaying in themselves for having things that I wanted very badly. Those things like a family and a real home. Yet those things are themselves illusions without faith in one's self for one can never sit comfortably without that very faith.
But those things I wanted were as irrelevant as all the aggravations that appear to be real on the surface but hide a much deeper self angst about the emptiness within me. That emptiness, despite my rather vast writing repertoire come down to the bitterness of the choice between faith and avoidance. This choice, one that is actually very simple, is so fundamental to life. Without faith in one's self, life becomes a drag.
Take a look at our leader of the world today. You can see it in the way he is. There is another man with no faith in himself. You might think I'm joking, but it's as clear as day to me now. The world crisis we are steering towards is actually rather about faith, and humanity's ultimate lack of it in itself. Why else would we have picked a leader who is so faithless in himself that his every action demonstrates it for everyone to see?
That man is a product of a system that teaches one to have no faith in one's self and to rely upon aggression and falsehood to construct a false image of ones self. It is the complete lost narrative of Western culture, now global culture, that places the material image above all things internal to our inner voice. Here we see the failed nature of our system best represented by the hordes of men and women who have no faith in themselves, only faith in the inner narrative of aggression and putting others down. That putting others down comes from the emptiness within themselves, from the lost faith in their own truth.
The darkness is a clever beast. It hides so plainly that when one sees it everything becomes obvious as to what is happening and why it is happening. Yet without a connection to the truth within, our narrative is just an empty hollow echo crying out desperately for our inner attention. It is the broken world we have come to know. It is the failure of institutions and the void in people. It is the staring at cell phones and the mindless entertainment complex. It is everything that we have been trying to avoid. It is about believing in ourselves again.
Could it be as simple as switching on the light inside our souls? What if all the suffering of the world were just the consequence of us forgetting to turn on that light? What if all the misery we put ourselves through was just because we very much don't want to believe that we are the ones we are waiting for? Could it be just as easy as that? What if I'm wrong? What is something really, really horrible is at work here like the devil? Obviously the con is that I'm right. But who would dare to admit such a thing to themselves? Who would dare to believe in anything in them anymore when every narrative demands submission to the idea that we are nothing in the face of the power of evil?
Such an idea is of course pure nonsense. It is plain as day that we must have faith, and that we must have faith solely in our selves and our ability to solve our crisis. I won't be so bold to say we don't a crisis, as that would smack of denial, but I will say that half the crisis is over with faith. At least then, we can truly wake up and work from somewhere worth leaning on.