Invalidation Train

Free speech is in theory a great concept.  Everyone has the right to say what they want.  But in practice the vast majority of us censor ourselves.  We have been taught to invalidate our feelings and thoughts.  Why?  Because others find our feelings inconvenient to them and what they think we need to be according to their understanding of what that is.  Our parents are the primary responsible party here.  Our teachers are the second.

How often have I heard it.  Snake oil "advice" crawling down my consciousness like so much toxic manipulative goo.  We know how to "fix" you.  You need to be more like us!  Interestingly none of the people who ever gave me advice ever managed to become millionaires.  Everyone and their gardener has an opinion of what we should be doing.  Oddly enough it is always the same litany of poor choices that they themselves made in life!

Invalidation is the process by which we are stripped of the confidence to make our own decisions by an army of well-wishers pretending to uplift us.  It is a lie wrapped in fakeness hiding the black and nasty hidden truth that in the eyes of these well-wishers we cannot be trusted to run our own lives.  Do you see how this empowers them and disempowers you?  Clever isn't it?  But not so nice at all.

The most sinister twist in all this is that we do it to ourselves!  We hand these "do-gooder" wolf in sheep's clothing liars and thieves the rope they use to hang us.  We allow their opinions to have validity.  I've seen it time and time again in my life.  But, I've had enough.  Today, someone crossed my line, and I perceived for the first time how really annoyed I was at being invalidated.  I tasted the injustice of being told I didn't have right to make my own decisions about something very close to my heart, my own line of work!  I was told I was wrong about the choice of the tools I use to practice.  Yet these very tools are only useful if they are personally meaningful.  Why should I give a damn what was said?  Because it ruined my sense of tranquility, or rather by my inner process I allowed it to.

Was my choice in some way threatening to this person in question?  If so, how?  Was it a reminder to them of how invalidated they have been in their lives?  Am I only experiencing their internal invalidation of themselves projected onto me?  Is that why I felt so personally effected?  If I was paid, would that have made up for the invalidation?  Or is that just me invalidating my choice by saying my choice is for sale.  But my choice is not for sale this time.  My choice here is worth more to be than any amount of money, because I will not be invalidated by manipulation, bullying, or other bullshit.

I feel sad and disgusted by this.  And I didn't deserve it.  After all the time it took for me to be confident enough to make my choice, for this one choice to be invalidated was to me utterly disrespectful of the effort it took to get to the point where I knew it was the correct choice.  I even used the tools correctly, and I was still invalidated in my use of them by this person.  My approach was rejected.  My mood wasn't so great today to deal with this type of crap as I hadn't slept well either.

What to do.  Keep using my tools obviously.  I like them.  I choose them.  They are mine.  And they serve me well because they are mine.  I am owed an apology as well.  The worst vice is advice.