Desiring Desire

Why do we care?  What makes something worth doing?  What is that we truly want?  Power?  Money?  Fame?  Attention?  Or is it Love, knowledge, and a purpose that goes beyond ourselves?  For some people the answer seems easy, this world is about them and what they want and they will do anything to get it.  For others who care about others it is a much more difficult balancing act between personal desire for some fun and the desire to nurture someone else. 

We are all caught up in the trap of desire which Buddhists say causes the wheel of karma to turn.  And yet without desire, we surely would have nothing to do or believe in at all.  Why would anyone even bother to get up in the morning if they had lost all desire?  Is Nirvana then based on some sort of eternal state of giving up everything we desire to receive a nothingness that offers only the possibility of answers beyond what we wish to choose?  If we care, isn't it others that we care about instead of some quasi non-existent state of mindedness or absentmindedness?  What about Love?  When is that we truly desire to prove that we can Love in a way the fully satisfies everyone?

Perhaps passion is not of this world, but we keep getting up every day to try and seek a reason to keep going and believing in something that is not just "about me" and yet of this world.  After all, isn't that what desire and passion are all about?  And how little desire and passion are truly desired in a society that would prefer to practice indifference at every opportunity.  In truth, I believe people are frightened of their desires.  They are frightened of what would happen if they were true to what they really, really desired above all.  What would other people think?  What would other people say?

The world is full of reasons as to why we should repress ourselves.  What we are repressing isn't sexuality, but the very nature of our souls.  We would rather not look, rather not feel, and rather not know who or what we are and what we are truly capable of.  All that repressed desire has to go somewhere, so it goes into the dark side and people explore the dark with all the desire they really wanted to give to the light within themselves and others.  You have to fight with all your will just to make a difference in this world for this reason.  It takes the energy to move mountains sometimes just to get to somewhere on time because our desire within us is dead and buried.

If we have forgotten to care, because others have forgotten to care, is it any wonder why everyone is so alienated from reality?  We don't have answers for each other anymore.  I watch people make complete fools of  themselves knowing they are empty in themselves of any feeling at all except to follow the program without thinking.  Without a desire to grow, without a desire to think, without a desire to do, people become drifters who wander through life waiting for someone else to tell them what to do.  Sometimes, they even refuse that when they have been told too often to abuse themselves by people who had no desire to help them and only use them.  What could we expect of these people except to reject the world and all it represents? 

We come finally to indifference, caring about nothing and no one at all.  The drifting through an empty cold desire-less state of unreality is sometimes preferable to many than facing the truth of how utterly cold this world has become.  Others have grown tired of trying to help a world that so little cares for itself or anything truly good and beneficial.  It is wrapped in its shell and so are we.  Trapped together in the collective indifference, we struggle to find any reason to give a damn about anything.  Even the things we really do care about are often far outside our reach to directly help.  Think about the environment or abused children for instance.

Will we ever desire again enough to make a difference?  Will it even matter when no one else seems to care enough to try?  Or will the powers of corruption just take away everything that we have and everything we could potential have in our future?  The cold logic of indifference is completely unconcerned with the future.  Perhaps it is just tired of being ignored.  Perhaps it just wants to care about something besides itself too.  Will the world let it?  Or it too late to care?